I’m brimming with ideas and creative urgency. I know I can’t/won’t get it all done but while things are percolating, I want to get some of it down.

I began a short story yesterday. It’s an idea that came to me over the holidays which, in and of itself, is something to celebrate! (getting an idea while busy doing lots of non-writing activities!)

While driving to and from Maine (and a wonderful Christmas with my younger son and gorgeous granddaughter!) I thought and thought and thought about it. Thinking about a story and writing it are two different things. But I’ve also learned that thinking it through is most advantageous. I believe that in the past I’ve sometimes been too eager to begin too soon. I’m still a bit uncertain about the unfolding of this tale, but nonetheless, I’ve begun and am excited about it.

I’ve signed up for a second round of Exquisite Corpse! Yay. That’s all I can say: yay!

I’m thinking of writing and illustrating some books for Cadi, my three and a half year old granddaughter. Um. Perhaps I should change that to A book.
Having been involved in the process of online publishing (see Third Person Press) makes me realize that I can do this for her, for myself and for very little money. And who knows where that might lead. Children’s books were an interest a long time ago and one that I studied and worked at for a long time. It would be good to get back to it. I have several ideas in the percolator.

A book about the house we live in. This has been an idea since we moved here. The house is old, we know a lot of the history of it and it’s interesting! I’ve been approached by a friend/historian/writer about it. He is doing a book about an old house on the island that has been in his wife’s family for many many years and has two houses other than mine that he’d like to see a book on. In other words, a series.

I’ve been thinking about it and know that my style of book would be completely different from a historian’s. But here’s what I’m thinking of including: some of my *artsy* photos of details of the house and yard, short personal essays, historical essays, and historical fiction, maybe a poem or two, maybe drawings and perhaps some transcripts of interviews with a woman named Georgie who grew up in the house. That sounds long but I think I would have to be extremely selective. Some of the fictional parts are necessary because 1) I write fiction and 2) there are gaps in our historical knowledge of the house and 3) filling in those gaps with conjecture would make the project fun to write and more fun to read!

So we’ll just have to see about that. It’s a huge project and I have no idea if my vision of it would be acceptable for this particular series of books. But it’s a definite maybe.

Then there’s that unfinished novel from last November…….

This must be done: I have two stories that are CLOSE to being ready to send out to possible publishers. I must do quick revisions, maybe give them to someone to review and get them out!

See other stories about and photos of our old house
Putting on a new roof: http://nancywaldman.net/2007/07/25/the-up-side-of-outside/
The White Lilac Fact/Fairy Tale: http://nancywaldman.net/2007/06/20/of-things-dreamed-of/
Near-by Fires and what I learned about what’s most important: http://nancywaldman.net/2007/05/17/weather-or-not/

I got away from blogging and even writing for The PCQ last year. I do not feel apologetic about it however. That’s because 2008 was one of the most successfully creative and full of my life.

One of the reasons for this is collaboration. Two of the projects that took a lot of my time were done with other creative people…some local and others far-flung.

The local one was the time-consuming and totally exciting collaboration between myself and fellow writers, Sherry Ramsey and Julie Serroul. Under the auspices of our Third Person Press, we spent untold hours reading, editing, talking about, re-editing, and polishing fourteen stories for our first release: Undercurrents. The process was enriching on many different levels. Most importantly: our friendship and respect for one another was deepened. Secondly, I learned so much not only about editing but also about writing. I felt that I was immersed in the short story for the year and it was good. I learned how difficult it is to write an excellent story! There are many pitfalls. But I also renewed my experience that with diligence, these are problems that can be corrected and good stories will rise up out of those pits.

The book was launched very successfully at the beginning of December. The promotional part of this project has been the hardest for all of us. We’re writers, not promoters! But we did it and are learning about that—as with all of this—as we go. Sales through December were way in excess of what we expected and we hope to continue to sell books through the year and beyond. See the previous post for a promotional video that Sherry put together.

Oh and I must mention that my two partners were kind enough to let me do the cover design! It was SO fun and a lot of people have commented on how much they like it. We don’t necessarily want people to judge our book by its cover but we don’t really mind if they buy it because of it! Again, I learned so much from doing it.

Further good news is that we enjoyed the process enough that we’re talking about the next one. JUST talking!

In addition to writing and revising (at least 12 times) a story for the anthology, I also wrote two others, entered a Writer’s Federation contest (no, I didn’t win anything but I was happy to get something sent off!) and began a YA novel that I—so far—love.

The other creative collaboration was a fiber art round robin done under the direction of arlee barr. This was the second round (I didn’t participate in the first) of an Exquisite Corpse project. Each person drew a design on a piece of fabric and divided it into six sections. We ‘filled in’ one section with fabric artistry and then covered it up and sent it to the next person on our list (Hi Anne Marie in Ontario!). They did the same and so on and so on until each one finally came back to the originator. Then we each got/get to uncover all the artistry and see what the results are!

I have yet to get mine…but I understand it’s in the mail (Hi Carol in Wales!) Ones I’ve seen so far have been amazing and beautiful. But again, more importantly, the process has been so good for me. I’ve never done anything like this, though I’ve always loved fabric, fiber art and have done many many kinds over the years. For me, it meant getting away from the computer and doing art. Each piece is small and doable and there’s a deadline which means I couldn’t let it go or get too busy. It was perfect! Thank you arlee and all the members of my group for a perfectly delightful creative endeavour. I loved it no matter what the end product looks like. And speaking of that, it’s been a bit excruciating not to be able to post photos of the work as I’ve done it! More posts will follow with the work and links to the other artist’s sites. Here’s arlee’s exquisite corpse blog.

Here’s one of my piece before I sent it to anyone else:

In January, I did an article for The PCQ on Beth Felice who, as Annie Octavia, owns and operates a beautiful art gallery on Second Life called Gallerie Octaviana. In order to see for myself what it was about (she’s been kind enough to include some of my work in two of her shows), I made myself an alter-ego and made my first forays into this virtual world.

My name is Aplomb Pomilio. The name was chosen with tongue firmly in cheeque. I like the word, I like the concept and it’s something that I often do not have in abundance. I’m finding out that in learning how to navigate in a new world, aplomb is scarce. I find that I’m insecure about what to do, who to talk to, where to go. In fact, it’s like every experience I’ve ever had moving to a new place.

Odd, that.

This isn’t “real” and yet, my self, my mind makes it feel very real even unto bringing along very real emotions as I try to find my way in a new *place* among strangers. And this “realness” goes farther. I could have made myself anything I wanted and yet I’m pretty normal looking though young and with a great figure (I’m not foolish enough to pass up a chance at those two things!)

I want to write about this more as I’m finding the experience puzzling, eye-opening and more than anything else revelatory. I’m just not sure yet what it’s revealing!

One thing is sure: I’m absolutely loving the opportunity to play dress-up! As a child, my sister and I played paper dolls. We loved exploring fashion styles and opportunities that we would never get to experience for real. Being in Second Life has taken me back to that childhood delight but with such HUGE differences that it can hardly be over-stated. I have a gorgeous *me* with a great figure. A me that moves, walks, flies (badly), sits (sometimes in the middle of walls and objects), talks and as such, I can dress me up in hundreds of combinations of clothes and accessories—at this point, all for free. I haven’t spent a dime and I’m having so much fun.

My favourite so far: a Purple and Silver outfit. The overskirt is animated, it swirls as I move. The knee-high boots are purple with white designs—FABULOUS!

These days instead of playing a morning computer game or other “getting ready” activity before I settle into real work, I go to Second Life and decide what I’m going to wear for the day. Today, for the first time, I tried out an edgy look (for me and Aplomb, that is).

I also have some normal jeans, sandals and t’s outfits but even those are a lot more fun than what’s in my real closet!

This morning as I was getting dressed for real, I took a little extra care because…well, because if I’m going to take such care in a world that’s not real, I should at least make a little effort where it is.

More soon on groups I’m joining and what that’s like.

I love this little blog. I started it in full expectation of NOT posting often enough and then I did pretty well with it.

I am not a consistent person. Moodiness is so much a part of my genetic make-up that I am always astounded to learn that some people aren’t controlled by their mood-of-the-day. I’m drawn off task by not only moods, but also by the newest shiniest activity that catches my interest. And yet, I almost always return to what I love. And this blog, I love.

It feels like me, she said, shyly.

Fertile, then fallow, quiet without being private or secretive, heart-felt and earnest but with tongue-in-cheek.

Inconsistent. Also ambiguous. Moody.

January was a real up and (mostly) downer. I started an overly ambitious writing project that didn’t last more than two days. That led to a slump which caused me to seek solace in mind-numbing computer games, an obsession from which I haven’t fully recovered. There were other things. Emotional snowfalls began piling on, adding layer after layer of weight. Because it wasn’t a blizzard but a steadily growing accumulation of tiny things, I was unaware of what was happening.

I’m on the mend. Writing this is part of my recovery. I love this blog. I must do it more often and then I will remember other things that I love doing and I will rediscover the path to feeling that. Then, I’m sure, I will also get excited about the next new shiny thing that catches my interest. I can do both when I’m occupying the busy part of my life.

The illustration is of winter taken through the old stained glass panels in the stairwell of our house. Part of it I can see through and part I can’t and that is Like Life.

Hugs all ’round.

The bottom line is that I didn’t end up with a cohesive novel. I spent time the last day, after reaching 50,000 words, just writing notes to myself about what seems good about the writing and what doesn’t. One of the things I did was to list all the subplots I had going on. No wonder it never gelled! There were about ten separate things, some of them introduced once and never revisited!

I also wrote what I thought the plot should be. After spending a month immersed in that world and those characters, of course I know better what directions I should gone. I think the notes helped and will help in the future. I have more of a overview of what I wrote rather than being left with the impression of the last few days of writing which was less than inspiring. I also feel that the notes will serve me well later when I want to go back to it. It will give me a way into the story.

So that’s a wrap on Nano 2007.

On the other writing front: I finished the first draft of the short story on Saturday.

Ahhh, such a simple sentence.

Finishing a short story was once close to impossible for me. I had a writing teacher early on who was in the habit of spending 6 months to a year on a short story. She was a very bad influence on me!!! I have since joined a writing group with some wonderful role models who are much more practical. They have been a very good influence on me!!!

This story was a personal challenge to see if I could come up with an idea, write it, edit it, polish it, and send it off to the Nova Scotia Writer’s Federation contest all within 3 weeks. Oh, one other thing: it had to come in under 3,000 words, a feat I’ve never managed before.

So you see… it’s a simple sentence with much import for me. Yesterday I edited and rewrote the ending. Last night I read it out loud and felt it was choppy so I worked on transitions today and did line editing. This afternoon I gave to two trusted readers. While handing it over is always nerve-wracking, I did feel proud that I’ve gotten it to this point with four days to go before it has to be postmarked. The verdict is in from one of my readers; it got a thumbs up!

Now, finally, I have time to clean the bathroom.
What a reward, eh?
Oh the glamourous life of a writer!

I got to a stopping point in my writing today slightly before I got to the word count I wanted.
I could have pushed it, but I felt it needed to rest. The story is at a crucial juncture and, to tell you the truth, I am not quite sure what’s going to happen. If I had continued today, my fear is that I would have gone off on a tangent.

Sometimes in NaNoWriMo we have to just keep writing even though we know we don’t know where we’re going. I do it if I’m falling too far behind in the word count or if I am uninspired. But sometimes it’s okay to wait. I’m close to being on track with the word count and I am feeling inspired. With both of those things working for me, I’d rather let a little time pass and give it some unfocused, C-mindful simmering before I write what comes next.

That C-mind stuff is what happens in the shower or while chopping vegetables or taking a walk or even cleaning the house (not that any of us are getting that done this month, right?). It’s what happens when we’re into our novels enough that the characters and the situation are with us even when we aren’t directing our minds toward them. When we’re engaged in an activity that doesn’t require our full attention, our minds will sometimes drift across the landscape of story we’re working on and come up with the best ideas! It’s one of the most fun things about writing.

That’s what I’m hoping for tonight.

In the meantime, I took some photos. My camera has literally been on the shelf since I got back from Houston just before Halloween. This evening I heard the wind coming up and I looked outside. It was just before dusk and the cornstalks in the garden were doing fantastic things in the gusting wind. I got a new flash when I was in Houston and it is supposed to not only help me with the low light but also capturing motion. One of my frustrations is that I haven’t had time to learn to use it!

Happily, I took the time to get the camera and go outside. I got the shot above as well as some other blurry ones that I love. I still don’t know what I’m doing with the flash but that’s one of the great things about digital: you can see the mistakes you’ve made immediately. Instantaneous feedback! It felt good to shoot some photos, so much so that I’m vowing to take a few everyday through the rest of the month. It’s not as if it takes that much time and it feels great to *focus* on something other than writing.

Sorry.

I also uploaded an excerpt to my nano profile page.

This Jackson Pollock widget is one I found this morning on Michelle's lovely blog: Lady Language. Thank you, Michelle! I saw the website (sorry, I don't seem to have bookmarked it so I can't link it right now) several months ago and I thought was so fun and funny, but I hadn't seen the widget until this morning. I immediately got it for my very own and posted it on The PCQ.

Here's a link to some real Jackson Pollocks.

To play with it, just pass your mouse over it. Click to get a different colour. That's it. Splashing "Paint" without the clean-up.

I feel like I could use a nice long session of splashing real paint. Fingerpainting. Bodypainting. I need to break out a little. I've been writing almost everyday for two weeks now and it's getting to me even though yesterday I didn't write at all. I woke up early, worried about all the other things in my life that I've been neglecting---typical for NaNoWriMo. So I set out to do the ones I could. It was paper work and tax stuff (my favourite) and lots of little noodling things. Later, even though I had the time to write, I simply couldn't get in that frame of mind again.

Today was gruesome. Not only did I know and could-not-forget that I had to write twice as much in order to catch up, I also felt like I'd written myself into several corners.

I didn't know what the hell I was thinking when I had this character say that and the other do this! I knew that I could either go back and rewrite those things that were giving me fits or I could suck it up and figure out how to make it work for me. I decided on the sucking up choice. It remains to be seen if what I am writing will work or not, but it feels good that at least I didn't run from my own choices. I'm going to go with them for now and maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised at some future date.

A novel is like a puzzle. Do you do crosswords or sudoku? It can be like any kind of puzzle that's a challenge. It starts off kind of fun and not too hard and then you get to a point where you have to really think and then, it gets very hard and the next step is to assume that somehow the incredibly asinine editors of that particular puzzle made a mistake and there's no solution!!!! They must have goofed! It's all wrong. No way to get it to work.

But then, another part of your mind kicks in and tells you that you are a silly goosehead and of course they didn't screw it up. You realize that you have to work harder. Keep at it. Don't give up. More than anything else, ASSUME you can make it work. Be confident in the fact that if you go at it from a different perspective or angle or state of mind, you will be able to find the solution. You'll be successful and in the figuring it out part, you'll have fun and be proud of yourself.

So that's the stage of writing that happens in the second two weeks. If you find your novel is a giant challenging puzzle, keep working at it until you find out what the solution is. The editor never goofs! Silly head.

I don’t know what the title of this post means in this context but maybe I can figure it out as I write it. That kind of process goes along with the writing I do each November.

One upon a time, many years ago, I went to an Al-Anon meeting. An exercise was done where we each picked numbers from a coffee can. The numbers were from 1 to 12 and when our time came, we were to talk about that step in the AA doctrine. I was familiar with the Twelve Steps but only in a cursory way. I was new to this program and had no expertise or practice in doing any of the steps with the possible exception of Step One. I did know that one thing: I felt powerless to control anyone else’s choices. So when my time came, I said,

I got 11. Since I don’t even know what Step 11 is, I guess I just have to look at this as a reminder that I need to do Step 1, twice as often.

The group seemed to like that quite well.

So that’s where the title of this Day 11 came from. Perhaps it does relate to writing. Each day, I sit down and know only that my job is to achieve my word count. Of course, I want to write a good story. Of course, I want it to be interesting and cohesive, and well-written. I want it to build and to have not only a good plot but also fascinating sub-plots. I want it to be insightful and fun and imaginative and surprising.

But if I fill my mind with all those wants, it fills ME with dread. I don’t know how to achieve all that at once on any given day. If I think of all that, I will not get my book written. That’s why I love NaNoWriMo so much. It gives me a daily deadline and a reason to forget all that FOR NOW.

So when I sit down to write each day, I know only one thing: that I have to write at least 1667 words. On most days, I write something that pleases me to some extent. It’s never perfect. Sometimes it is drivel and I know that it will never make the finished version, but that’s okay because I’ve kept going in a forward direction. At least it shows me where I don’t want to go!

In a way, that’s like taking the First Step over and over again. Sit down and write. Tomorrow, do that again. Soon, I’ll have enough material to call it a first draft.

We worry about Step Two when we get there.

In addition to that fancy camera, I got a computer drawing tablet and pen for my birthday.

I KNOW it’s going to be extremely useful
—especially once I get the hang of it—but so far, all I can think to do is play with it.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

This is one of the things I’ve done. It’s a doodle. An experiment with letters and other marks that could be letters. It was fun to do and as such, it feels as if I’m using my new tool (“For the serious photographer, designer and artist” the package states) as a toy. At what point do I begin to feel serious about it? My husband often asks when inquiring about what I did on a certain day, “Were you working or playing?”

Whew. That’s a tough one to answer. If I enjoy my work, does that mean it’s always play? If I usually enjoy my work but am dealing with a challenging problem, then is it work? Or if I am doing art for no one and no reason, but am frustrated by it, does that mean it’s work? Is doing art for no reason ever anything but play? Where’s the line between a “serious tool” for serious creative types and a toy for someone who’s “just playing?”

Ahh, I don’t care. It’s just my brain playing with words, isn’t it? And some days, that’s what art and work is all about.

mirror image,
originally uploaded by nuanc.

I have a great new camera. I’ve always dreamed of one day getting a really good camera but put it off and off even when digital made photography immediate and playful and when the internet made it possible to share and get comments from people all over the world. I put it off because I have a superstition about getting good/expensive equipment. It sometimes signals the death of a creative era.

It may be a superstition, but it may also be learning. Years ago, not long after purchasing a huge roll of canvas and being given a fancy wooden easel, I stopped painting.

The problem is: you get the fancy equipment and suddenly there are expectations of producing something excellent. Suddenly it’s changed from: see what nice results I can pull off with my simple digital camera? to: if I can’t get fabulous results with this camera, I’ve wasted the money and let myself down. Suddenly the playfulness leaves and Things Get Serious.

I’m not letting that happen with this camera. It’s just the reason I put off getting one. The only way I could truly let myself down with my new camera is if I fail to use it. If the last week is any indication of future use, it seems I’m likely to be at the opposite end of that extreme. I’ve taken hundreds and hundreds of shots and the word “obsession” has been used several times.

But this all is a reminder of the kind of mental distortion that can happen around creative endeavors.

Anyway, as it happens, I am drawn to visual distortion. The photograph I used today is one taken with the new camera. It’s a view of my office area reflected in an old, cheaply-made mirror—thus the funky distortion. It’s my reminder that even if I’m still getting quite a few out of focus shots (it’s only been a week AND I don’t have a tripod yet!) that my photographs will always reflect my own vision of the world, distorted or otherwise.

After hours and hours of work over the last two and a half weeks, I have only one page left to finish (and—oh well, yeah—thousands of tiny adjustments and corrections)

Three books in the works (Galveston, Causeway and Nova) and none of them are thrilling me.

Just heard about this technique from a friend; I decided to try it on my mysterious leg pain since “western” medicine isn’t offering a cure. whatthehell…

the ins and outs of the Nikon D80 AND a computer drawing tablet and pen!